Donna Clark, a 28-year-old financial analyst from London, had worked at high-profile accountancy firm Deboys for three years, and in 2020 was tipped by Forbes as one of their ‘30 Under 30’.
But two days ago, Donna sent her male colleagues a string of emails in which she used either no exclamation marks, or more than two.
This led to an internal investigation at Deboys, which today concluded that Clark was both a ‘threatening bitch’ and a ‘nymphomaniac bunny boiler’. She was dismissed immediately as a result.
A spokesperson for the company said, ‘we don’t mind having a woman around the place, but not if they try to intimidate or seduce our other employees’.
He added, ‘maybe she was on her period, but she shouldn’t let her hormones affect her work’.
Clark described the emails as ‘unremarkable’, and denied she’d written them to either bully or flirt with her former colleagues.
‘I noticed that my male coworkers rarely used exclamation marks, so I thought they might take me more seriously if I did the same’.
‘But when they started hiding the kitchen knives from me, I knew something was wrong. So as I was eating my chicken katsu with a plastic spork, I tried using three exclamation marks’.
She said using three ‘felt like slight overkill at the time’. But she hoped it might defuse the situation, since her colleagues usually called her ‘dear’ or ‘babe’ when she used two.
Donna was then escorted from the Deboys building by armed security, and the company had her desk fumigated to ‘get rid of the crazy’.
Donna is now planning to open her own financial consultancy, which will have a ‘non-discriminatory approach’ to grammar.
Deboys CEO Chad Macho added, ‘bloody women’.
By Izzie Suckling