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Why you don't need to worry about what's in the vaccine

The vaccine. El Vaccino. The Vaccy-C. We’ve all heard of it by now, big up Pfizer and Moderna and whatnot. We’ll all be offered it – hopefully by 2045 at this rate – and we all have an opinion on it.

As with most things in life, two camps have evolved with opposing views on whether we should all get the shot.

On one side, you have people who still possess a brain cell or two, enough to deduce that the rigorous systems in place to develop such a medical procedure were most likely followed this time around, and that a couple of quick jabs will allow them to book that package holiday to Ayia Napa for July because RyanAir’s got a deal on.

On the other side, I can only assume it’s a room full of Katie Hopkins look-a-likes yelling about how Bill Gates wants to microchip their nan who lives in Cirencester.

Since this is clearly a very difficult debate, with great points on both sides, here’s a handy list of things that disqualify you from worrying about what’s in The Big V.

If you’ve ever:

· Kissed a man before (self-explanatory).

· Used a Megabus toilet.

· Mineswept a drink off the floor at Reading Festival 2015.

· Had sex in any public place in London (or any major city).

· Done ket off a club bathroom floor (hypothetically ofc).

· Pissed on someone.

· Been pissed on (goes both ways, see).

· Gotten a stick and poke from your mate that totally knows what he’s doing yeh.

· Been in a 5-mile radius from any Wetherspoons establishment.

Then you do not need to worry about what's in the vaccine. This is not an exhaustive list of course, but I would say it’s safe to say that Greg, 35, from Essex will be fine when he gets the vaccine. And even if that turns out to be wrong, you get to talk to Bill Gates through your chip which is well cool.

By Emma Snizek

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