In a bid to lift the nations spirits, Boris has announced an exciting surprise for the UK.
“Close your eyes!” He said during a national address. “Your present is waiting in my drive!”
Bringing the cameras with him to the back garage of Downing Street, he unveiled the
nations great white hope - or rather, I should say red white and blue.
Yes, that’s right. Boris has found a way to solve Britain’s political crises, bring its citizens out
of their misery and even cure coronavirus. He’s repainted his plane!
“A makeover was long overdue,” Boris said. “and it’s absolutely not a useless expense.
COVID 19 can’t penetrate the British flag, scientists can prove it. Now I can travel wherever I
want, and nothing can stop me.”
The makeover, costing a reasonable £900,000, has been funded as part of the country’s Stay
Alert efforts, claimed to make the PM recognisable wherever he goes, thereby ‘alerting’
other people to his presence.
In response to rumoured comments regarding Boris using the re-design to finally join the
Mile-High Club, Boris was clear that:
“It is absolutely probably not going to be used for anything specifically near that sort of use.
However, what could be more patriotic than our nation’s flag joining this prestigious club?
Therefore, if the situation should arise, I will be compelled – bound by duty - to oblige.”
His wife has refused comment at this time.
Not to be outdone, Trump has since announced similar plans to pimp Air Force one with
hydraulics, and a built-in trunk speaker.
By Camy Sandford