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Trump's Latest: Time Travel To Cure Corona

President Donald Trump surprised the scientific community once again yesterday by proposing the invention of time travel could offer a solution to the current Coronavirus pandemic. Speaking in a press conference, Mr. Trump even suggested that he himself might be the ideal candidate to travel back in time “to China or Europe or wherever” on a mission to prevent the virus from ever developing in the first place.

“I spoke to like a very top team of really the very best American science people in my head and we all agreed, hey, that Trump guy, hey, like he’s pretty great, he should do it and I agreed, so hell yes, Trump should do it. So I guess they meant me. So, yes, me, I should do it. Trump.”

When questioned by journalists as to how and when such technology might become available, the president argued it didn’t matter as “whenever we invent it we can do it. It doesn’t matter when. In fact, as long we do it one day. So, in a way, we’ve already done it. So, actually that really is a very stupid question.”

British scientist Dr. Cyrus Newtoaster expressed scepticism about the president’s idea: “It’s not really clear whether Trump intends to travel back in a machine based on a DeLorean as in Back To The Future or be randomly zapped to different eras on a weekly basis by some unseen supercomputer like in Quantum Leap,” Newtoaster said.

“Perhaps he could be propelled back after going into a coma following a car accident like Sam Tyler in Life On Mars?” he added. “To be honest, none of these things are very likely to work. But we should certainly try driving a car into him at high speed anyway. Just in case.”

By Chris Hallam

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