The post-quarantine dinner party As lockdown restrictions are relaxed and our desert-dry calendars begin to taste the oh so sweet sprinkle of social life, concerns surrounding dinner partying begin to emerge. Social butterflies from all over London are fretting over whether they can serve finger foods, invite their grandparents round for a Sunday roast, and most importantly, do coke lines over the toilet -is that Covid-complaint??? So here at Quaranzine, we've put together an up to date guide on how to legally host a dinner party. Seating plan The most important detail of the entire evening, and the one which requires the most forward thinking and social scheming… the seating plan. The government advises you sit your guests back to back, which we fully agree with. Not only does this make it far less likely for you to exchange infected air particles, but it also means that you can chat shit about the person sitting opposite you without worrying that they will find out. You must also make sure that each guest is seated at a 2m distance from one another. This will massively hinder conversation and make for much protracted and uncomfortable silence, but makes complete sense because the airborne virus cannot travel further than 2m. Chairs The government thinks you should make your guests bring their own chairs, to avoid cross contamination of household furniture- a known risk factor for contracting COVID-19. At Quaranzine, we encourage you to take this governmental initiative a step further and make them bring their own table, cutlery and TV too. If they want to stay over then they can bring their own bedstead, mattresses and linen, although you are happy to provide them with pillows providing they wear a face mask to sleep. Food As any good host will tell you, the food you serve should be of the highest quality possible. To avoid disappointment, and to ensure your dinner party is covid-compliant make everyone bring their own. This takes all the fun out of eating out, but will leave you feeling satisfied that none of the food you cooked will killl anyone other than yourself, which is always a risk anyhow. Dress code You can really go to town with this one- provided you wear a hazmat suit over your outfit. Think star wars galactica meets skinny submissive man dressed in gimp suit. Make sure clothing is skin tight so that your body does not come into contact with any air particles, and remember to wear plastic gloves under your rings and bracelets.
By Chiara Maurino