As lockdown restrictions ease and UK singletons migrate from their parent's cocoons to the sweat encrusted beds of their tinder matches, we only thought it sensible to bestow you with our carefully devised, COVID complaint sex manual…. The 'CoronaSutra'.
UCL sexologist and former First Dates contestant, Will Mondal couples academic excellence with his own advanced repertoire of sexual knowledge to conceive this progressive sex manual.
In a recent poll, 90% of female uni students admitted they were willing to break governmental social distancing norms to get a good 'dicking down'. At Quaranzine, ever the social warriors, we realised that the government was never going to step up and listen to the needs of the people, so we took matters into our own hands, and partnered up with a leading sexologist to formulate a plan. It was blindingly obvious from the get go that prohibiting the UK's population of lonely, clingy, sexually-dormant young adults from having sex would result in mass chaos, so we decided to think outside the box. After consulting self-professed sex expert and former First Dates contestant, Will Mondall, we came to the conclusion that knowledge is power, and educating the public on how to have sex whilst maintaining the 1.5m distancing regulation was the only solution moving forward. As detailed in the diagram below, 7 out of the 13 most common sex positions are indeed COVID compliant. We do, of course, advise that you check by using a nifty tape measurer as soon as you have secured entrance. If you and your partner bite onto the tape measurer at a 1.5m distance from each other and ensure that the rope remains taught in all positions adopted, then this is easily achieved. The benefits of the 1.5m tape-rope are endless, particularly for our more adventurous readers who will have no difficulty implementing this COVID safety precaution into their BDSM coitus. We do highly recommend you try this at home, but make sure to wear facemasks. Mondal's team of sexologists are still getting back to Quaranzine about developing a 'full body condom contraption', but don't let that stop you, now you have the official CoronaSutra handy!
By Chiara Maurino