Alok Sharma MP, Secretary of State for the kind of national admin that Alan Sugar and Greta Thunberg are into, swiftly brushed away speculation by confirming that he was actually just “absolutely hanging” at the despatch box last week and most definitely not suffering from Coronavirus.
Speaking after the whirlwind media attention, which put the newly re-opened Houses of Commons on high alert amid fears of contamination, Sharma reassured the public that is wasn’t hay fever or Covid-19, false alarm guys, it was just a terrible case of the hungover meat sweats.
He has hit back at critics for their judgement of the matter: “oh, like you haven’t had a work zoom quiz that didn’t get loose. It’s the music round that’s the killer.”
‘I dare say it was in my top 5 worst hangovers. It’s taken me 3 days to recover. Believe you me, there is nothing I would like to do more right now than self-isolate, get a stuffed crust and finish watching Sharknado.’
Deep Cleaners for the Commons responded: ‘Yeah, well, thanks. Invoice in the post’.
By Poppy Corbet Burcher