Take this Quaranzine quiz to discover which vaccine plays into your terrible personality cliches the most.
What's your favourite sex position:
A) Upside-down backwards-frontwards doggy-cowgirl gorilla-grip 5000
What's in your bag:
B) Sylvia Plath's 'The Bell Jar'
C) Keys to your Fiat 500
Your top-played Spotify artist:
A) Mr Traumatik
B) Someone you've probably never heard of (Tame Impala? Really? You know them?)
C) Calvin Harris
D) Joy Division
Where do you live:
Do you own a tote bag or wear a little earring:
If you answered mostly A, then you're AstraZeneca:
You're hot and dangerous. Your sexual partners are older (strictly over 30) and you aren't afraid of taking a few risks in life. Just like Miley Cyrus, you can't be tamed. Your right calf has possibly doubled in size, but a little blood clot has never stopped you before.
If you answered mostly B, then you're Moderna:
You're the hipster of vaccines. A loveable rogue, you follow the path less trodden and definitely wear a small beanie and sport a little moustache and have a hand-poked geometric tattoo above your left knee. You're probably Dutch or Finnish or Swedish or you wish you were. You live in East London, go to Warehouse raves in Hackney Wick, and bulk order seasonal Birkenstock.
If you answered mostly C, then you're Pfizer/BioNTech:
You're an average, run-of-the-mill type of person. Sorry. If you were bread, you'd be dry and wholewheat. I hate to say it, but you probably still wear Topshop Joni Jeans. And Chelsea Boots. If you're looking down at your feet right now to check, then you're so Pfizer.
If you answered mostly D, then you're Janssen:
You're mysterious and illusive. You're one big existential crisis. Do you exist? Who are you? Will you ever arrive? You live life on the fringes, and your permanent dry cough is part of the furniture. You can't listen to The Smiths because they're too upbeat and positive for you.
By Sophie Peachey