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Pornhub? Completed it mate.

10 things to wank over in isolation when you’ve run out of porn.

1. That fit guy from your seminar doing the ‘Game Face’ Challenge

2. A picture of fully stocked shelves at your local Waitrose in Putney

3. The nice weather

4. That one picture of the lasagne over Wembley Stadium (fittt)

5. A fake news story in the ‘SW15 Mums’ Network’ Whatsapp group

6. A free Sims Expansion Pack code

7. Wuhan’s Coronavirus stats (they’re going down, faintly reminding you of the last time someone went down on you, October, 2018)

8. The disappointed tweets of middle aged football fans

9. That daily COVID-19 email from your uni

10. And finally, Rishi Sunak saying ‘unprecedented’ on a loop (10/10 would bang)

By Alice Thompson

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