NOT-SO-BREAKING-NEWS: Trump's A Nonce



Few can argue against Trump's charming personality and boyish good looks. Even fewer can deny that he is the american epitome of a 'jack of all trades.' Besides being racist, misogynistic, homophobic, hairless and a fully fledged white supremacist, Anonymous leaks reveal Trump is also…. a nonce!

The Trump administration team are thrilled to be able to add this unique skill to the president's already impressive repertoire. "We expected nothing less" the Secretary of State proudly reveals. 

Whilst some Trump supporters already suspected his eclectic range of skills extended beyond  knowledge refusal and tangerine inspired self tan, the majority of the American public remains surprised by this latest discovery. Documents claiming to show Trump's involvement in Jeffrey Epstein's child trafficking ring were released earlier this week. Although their authenticity remains contested, Trump's faded tupee and trademark 'grab her by the pussy' slogan are deemed enough evidence to support the allegation. In an exclusive interview with Quaranzine press, the US president voiced his joy and satisfaction at being able to add 'certified nonce' to the 'Licenses and Certifications' section of his LinkedIn profile. 


By Chiara Maurino

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