A provincial town’s residents witnessed remarkable scenes recently when a souped-up Vauxhall Vulva raced up and down the high street with its windows down blasting out… a Beatles album.
“The sort of music these chaps normally treat us to is Scooter’s one song or ultra-aggressive rap music advocating the immediate use of violence on all detractors,” explained a shocked onlooker.
“But this time, the experimental, psychedelic pop-rock of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band wafted over from the parking bay outside KFC.”
The combination of melody and songcraft brought instant harmony to the streets, prompting locals to put down their pints of Stella, stop Tweeting abuse to strangers, and come together as one for a joyous widespread display of kindness and tolerance.
However, after emerging from a self-induced Red Bull coma, consummate boy racer Darren Fishlock realised his error and put on an absolutely atrocious Flo Rida song - brawls, riots, and en-masse looting broke out immediately.
“Turns out, sitting inches away from festival-sized Sub-Woofer speakers all day melted my ear drums,” explained Fishlock, whose only purpose in life is driving around residential streets at supersonic speeds causing misery to all he passes. “And I unwittingly played one of my Dad’s shit CDs.”
“I’d like to apologise to the townsfolk as they love my stuff usually. Well, nobody’s ever told me or my intimidating crew of dead eyed mates to our faces that it was a problem. And if they do…they know where to find us - pulling donuts in Tesco’s Car Park from 8pm until 3am.”
By Troy Speer