Translations, conjugations and sexual allegations are Jonty's forte.
Languages have always come easy to Jonty, much like his perception of women. Always keen to flex his multi-linguistic skills in between his stints in full-stack developing, Jonty travels the world aboard the wings of his white saviour complex, wooing women and coders alike with his refinement and savoir faire. With his love for languages, Jonty fancies himself as somewhat of an etymologist, always curious to understand the roots and definitions of words.
There is one word's etymology, however, that Mr Worldwide has struggled with over the years. Unsure as to whether the word derives from latin or germanic origins, and unclear as to its specific meaning, Jonty has taken up a legal dispute with the Oxford English Dictionary, questioning the accuracy behind its definition.
The word in question is 'no', which Jonty is adamant means 'yes' or 'maybe' or 'I'm being coy'.
Perhaps an issue of education (although Harrow is meant to be quite thorough) or perhaps a wilful ignorance, it is a surprise that such a worldly linguist would struggle over a two letter word. The other word that he always stumbles upon in his Quizlet vocabulary tests is 'consent', but this is more understandable given its 7-letter form.
Quaranzine feels a charitable mercy for Jonty, who has an almost perfect grasp of the English language, with just two words letting him down.
In addition to supporting his mission to change the meaning of one of the most common words in the world, Quaranzine would like to suggest an addition to the Tricolore A-Level French textbook Chapter 5 on Subjunctives, over which Jonty has pored for several seconds. The amendment would read as follows:
Jonty, il faut que tu stopes being a massive cunt.
By Sophie Peachey