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Is Bojo Giving you mixed Signals?

Love expert Chiara Maurino attempts to decode this mysterious man.

We've all had to deal with it at some point, and yet it proves confusing and frustrating every time… Luckily, I'm here to help. Together we will attempt the impossible… decoding Bo Jo's Sunday evening speech to the nation.

As the speech is totally and utterly unintelligible, psychologists suggested focussing on the PM’s subliminal messaging instead…

Closed off Body Language/ enigmatic hand gestures

His hunched shoulders are setting off alarm bells in your head already: they're conspiring secrecy, suspicion, reservation - but his hands…

Inviting, beckoning, demanding, sometimes even fisting …. Surely that slow thumb twirl must mean something? His fingers gently caressing each other as he speaks. Why would he do that unless he wanted you to look at his fingers? Unless he specifically wanted to show you those fingers?? He WANTS you to see them , to imagine where else they might go…..

Forceful facial expression

His lips are tightly clenched, his eyebrows furrowed, he's looking at you incriminatingly… why? It's a provocative look and his face is red-hot and steamy, I think we know what he wants… unless…. Maybe he's just constipated? He does look like he's trying extremely hard to suppress something colossal, his political ineptitude perhaps?

Palpitating pace

He's speaking and then, suddenly, he's not. He keeps stopping and starting, oscillating like a wave. Is he pausing meaningfully to emphasise a particular word?? But he's pausing after every word… maybe it's actually a speech impediment?

Then you realise, the pace of his speech is reminiscent of the way he treats you, a painful reminder of how he picks you up enthusiastically one day and then completely drops you the next. It hurts.

The invisible 'plan'

He tells you he's got a plan, actually never that directly, he's got something better, 'the shape of a plan', 'tonight', he claims, but gives no further details. Do you have plans together tonight? We'll never know…

The sultry eyes

One body language theorist posited that BoJo's pupil size and narrowed eyes indicate excitement - but excitement about what? Is he excited about his invisible 'shape of a plan' and does that involve you? I was really stuck on this one, it proved impossible to decipher: please do get into contact if you have any ideas that could help us solve this cryptic code.

By Chiara Maurino

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