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“I Give Up”, Says God

In the face of humanity’s growing awfulness, God has made one last attempt to step in and set things right, which has ultimately backfired.

“I usually try to just let you guys get on with it, but after the absolute shitshow that was 2019, I knew I had to do something.”

“‘Alright’, I thought, ‘time for a bit of Old Testament tough love’ – nothing like a good old plague to inspire some Godly awe and turn eyes upwards. Who else has the power to unleash a deadly disease that kills hundreds of thousands of people in the space of a few months – how else are people going to explain this, but- fuck me.”

“Bill Gates? The Reptilians? Fucking 5G? Honestly, you people. ‘Alright, alright’, I thought, ‘at least everyone will be using their time in lockdown to find a more peaceful and humble way to live’. Then I saw this ad on Facebook where you can hire Wagner from X-Factor to join your Zoom call singing Sex Bomb. Honest-to-me-Wagner. And I thought, you know what?”

“I give up.”

We had many more questions for the Almighty but before we could ask any, the Quaranzine offices were filled with a terrible burning light and the sound of a million angels screaming, and the benevolence of the Creator was suddenly absent from this universe.

By Russel Bailey

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