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Experts Shocked To Find That Poor People Are Poor

In a colossal error, economists at Columbia University, the University of Chicago, and the University of Southern Denmark have managed to forget that low-income Americans do in fact exist.

Reporting on the spending habits of United States citizens, economists said ‘given the size of the 2020 stimulus checks, we might have expected large impacts on categories like automobile spending, electronics, appliances and home furnishings. Instead, it seems individuals are catching up with rent and bill payments as well as engaging in spending on food, personal care, and nondurables.’

For these researchers, it must be astounding that money is not constantly being invested into essentials such as That Tesla Your Kids Wanted You To Get Because It’s Ecologically Friendly and The Latest iPhone. Said one, ‘The idea of not buying a new TV amid global economic devastation quite frankly confounds me! Fiscally, these people are making a very big mistake.’

In other news:

Marie Antoinette shocked to discover that French revolutionaries can eat neither cake nor bread

Local landlords struggle to fit camel through needle

By Joe Danbury

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