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Doctors HATE this trick: student sneezes on communal furniture to boost immunity among flatmates

Camilla, 21, talks to Quaranzine about her newfound scientific discoveries in the fields of herd immunity and antimicrobial resistance. Her thesis denotes a new school of thought entitled ‘Unwanted Exposure Theory’, for which Camilla has used her flatmates as unwilling participants.

“It all started when I had a particularly nasty bout of the old freshers flu,” stated Camilla to our increasingly peaky correspondent, “I couldn’t stop sneezing and my housemates kept shouting at me to cover my mouth as I was phlegming all over the sofas, blankets and tables. Despite their protestations, I decided I didn’t care and continued to do as I pleased.”

A congested Camilla continued, “After a while, I noticed that no one had been ill in the house for at least two weeks, and it dawned on me that, despite no backing or proof, it was I who had inadvertently immunized the whole house.”

“To further the scope of my research, I have taken to showering once a week, making sure to include the fecal matter from my unwashed hands in our communal cooking nights, and licking utensils before I return them to the drawer.”

Camilla is set to give a talk at The Franklin Institute Awards for her profound revelation. Quaranzine was granted a preview of the script, which details how the house on Cotham Vale has been exposed to four strains of E. coli, Salmonella, Hep A and an unprecedented resurgence of Swine Flu.

By Sophie Peachey

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