Cor-oh-no! I've lost the plot


This situation we’re all in right now is, in case you hadn’t heard, unprecedented. Having this, as of yet undefined but probably long, period of time to sit around and do nothing is pretty mad and, if we can all keep our heads, it might end up being quite fruitful for those of us lucky enough to be not too badly affected. I’m hearing lots of talk these days of rest and recuperation, but to that I say: ney thanks.

Quarantine is going to change my life. I’ve just learnt so much. I’ve learnt to love and relish education and its power to broaden my mind. I’ve learnt of worlds beyond my living room through the portal of my humble laptop and I’m not quite sure the world will ever be the same to me again. In this vein I would like to share with you all just a handful of my profound recent discoveries.

You’re welcome, stay positive and stay woke x

1) We should really talk about animals more

2) Humans really are just a type of ape (#staywoke)

3) Animals also have babies and they’re also cute and loads of them have stupid names

a) Baby frogs (i.e. tadpoles) are actually called pollywogs

b) Baby mice are called pinkies

c) Baby platypuses are called puggles.

d) Echidnas are a thing. And their babies are also called puggles.

e) Baby spiders are called spiderlings

4) Animals also live in groups and these also have some pretty cracking names

a)A group of apes is called a shrewdness

b) A group of gorillas is called a band

c) A group of buffalo is called a gang or an obstinacy

d) A group of crows is called a murder

e) A group of hippopotami are called a bloat (#ifeelyougirls)

f) A group of jellyfish is called a smack

g) A group of owls is called a parliament

h) A group of rhinos is called crash

5) Turtles can breathe trough their bums

6) Macaques in Japan have worked out how to use coins to buy vending machine snacks

7) Male pigs can cum for HALF AN HOUR

8) Cows produce the most milk when they’re listening to ‘Everybody Hurts’ by R.E.M

9) Goats have accents

10) I really really like animals

Disclaimer: I learnt all this from google and make no claim to its correctness (#citeyoursources)


By Molly Foster

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