CONFIRMED: 2 people smirking at each other on Zoom definitely talking about you in a private chat

Reports have confirmed that you weren’t being paranoid and were correct in your suspicions all along: what was initially just a sly smile between Ellie S. and Katie B. from Research & Development on this mundane work Zoom call has unfolded into a nefarious alliance against you.

Despite initial assumptions that the pair were snickering and visibly texting about “something else that probably had nothing to do with you”; it turns out that both participants on the call have been rejoicing in your demise.

You were first concerned when Katie B looked down at her phone and then straight into her camera in the first few minutes of the call. You had failed to understand how to raise your electronic hand, despite very clear instructions from Dan in HR, the meeting’s moderator, as well as other participants.

While your co-workers’ voices overlapped in a cacophony-like attempt to guiding you in navigating Zoom, Elie S was seen giggling and tapping away at her iPhone XS. Though you had hoped the professional call would power-through the rather embarrassing incident; it had the adverse effect, prompting a series of eyebrow raises and eyes darting across chat windows from R&D’s Queen Bees every time you chimed in to agree with Dan’s presentation.

About halfway through the meeting, witnesses report Katie and Ellie stifling a laugh and reaching for their phones when you scrambled to mute yourself after being heard murmuring “Oooh! Yummy” while watching Tasty videos in another tab.

At press time, the pair were laughing out loud and promptly turning off their cameras after you spluttered over your keyboard while choking on a sip of tea.

By Mallory Fanton