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Boris Reveals ‘Shape Of A Plan’, Student Submits ‘Outline Of A Dissertation’

In his address to the nation on Sunday 10th May (BST), Boris Johnson revealed to avid spectators that he had, not a plan, but the shape of one. This news came as a disappointment to many across the country, but to some, the message was imbued with optimism and hope.

Quaranzine spoke to university finalist Aidan Thompson, who was delighted to hear that Johnson had only the shape of a plan. Thompson argues that the precedent this sets is excellent for underachieving students, who have yet to write anything substantial for their dissertation, with four days until the deadline. Thomson plans on emailing his supervisor, explaining that he'll give his professor merely a few pointers, and that he must then utilise his own discretion to figure out what it means.

"If it's good enough for Bojo, it's good enough for me", stated Thompson, "I will be submitting a scanned version of some bullet points on the back of my napkin through Turnitin. The Prime Minister has showed me that important stuff doesn't need actual contents, as long as you can vaguely see what I'm attempting to say. The ideas are there, why should I pad it out with words and information? It's all about subtlety, obscurity and implicit information."

Thompson reasons that if the Prime Minister can go on national television and reveal a shadow of a plan that is neither material nor developed, then it seems reasonable for him to submit an outline of a dissertation that is both amorphous and vague.

By Sophie Peachey

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