top of page

4 Relaxing Self-care Activities That Won't Work Because You're Terrible At Them

With all the stresses and strains of these unprecedented times, it can be easy to forget to put yourself first. Sometimes a girl really just needs some self-care! And by self-care we mean seemingly soothing activities that will just make you feel worse about your life because you’re awful at them. So, why not try these four out?

1. Occupy your mind by knitting

Crafting can be so calming. Just a simple methodical action that produces something you can really feel proud of at the end! Except the sodding needles don’t seem to be going in the right place. And WHY IS IT ALL UNRAVELLING? How are you supposed to feel relaxed when you’ve literally spend ten hours making a shit excuse for a sock and the wool cost three times the amount it would have cost you to buy it?

2. Destress with yoga

Ahh, deep breaths. It’s time to align your body and let the positive energy flow through you. But, hang on, which way now? The video has moved on but you haven’t even done the last one yet. And is that one really possible? Congratulations, you’ve spread your back pain to your entire body, you geriatric piece of shit.

3. Relax by baking

Nothing will make you feel calmer than just whipping up a delicious dessert. The satisfaction of mixing ingredients by hand, the warm comforting smell of rising dough – oh crap, is that burning? But it’s not cooked on the inside either! And now the icing is somehow everywhere except on the actual cake. How can you have followed the recipe EXACTLY and it still have turned out so WRONG? Life can be so cruel.

4. Colouring

Don’t just leave fun to children – a simple bit of colouring can let your brain switch off and your pencil roam free. As long as you don’t go outside the lines, you can’t go wrong. Except, look, you have. And now you’ve spilt tea all over it. You might as well die right now, as you have nothing worthwhile to contribute to society. Existence is futile.

By Vicky Richards

bottom of page