The disturbingly high coronavirus figures of the week before were not enough for Public Health England, who were harbouring a few naughty cards in their hand. Take that, they shouted, slamming down a +16,000 UNO card on the table, shooting a gleeful wink in the direction of Track and Trace UK.
PHE was getting bored. The game had been getting stale over the summer, and despite a bit of action by way of 10pm curfews and a 6-month-6-person itty-bitty-mini-barely-noticable-lockdown, put in place by Player 3, Boris Johnson, PHE was restless and yearning to shake things up a bit. After accruing 4000 +4 cards over the lull of the summer, PHE withheld this information from the rest of the players and dropped the final devastating move on Monday, 5th October 2020.
The fallout of this foul play and sudden influx of unreported cases means a week's backlog in contacting people who may be infected with coronavirus and should have already been self-isolating for a week. This will lead to an exponential increase in virus transmission across the nation, and an inevitable rise in hospital admissions and deaths.
Fair play, PHE. Your move, Track and Trace.
By Sophie Peachey